whats makes people tick?

i got to thinking about how i haven't spoken to gwen since spring. i'm sure its better for the both of us, but its not without at least a little emptiness, and i like to assume that the feeling is on both ends.

its amazing how love is such a delicate thing. one minute you're taking pictures at disney's california adventure and the next you are arguing over the tone at which you used to ask to pass the horseradish.

i was with her longer than anyone i'd ever been with. when i'm able to think past the final arguments, i think about all the good times because they matter much more than the disagreements. i think it was harder for her to think of the good times because she swore the bad times out weighed the good. i would always be upset when she would say things aluding to that. it's as if everything we'd been through was no longer valid. she really knew how to push my buttons and i knew exactly how to push hers.

when we'd argue, i'd always want a few days to cool down, sometimes i'd tell her i needed it, other times i'd just take it. by a few days to cool down, i meant like 2-3 days of not talking to or seeing eachother. sometimes i wonder if this is normal or just a nervous tick of mine? i'd wonder if this was like running away for things? i'd wonder if there were better ways at approaching it. i think someone told me once that its a great idea to take some time so that hurtful things wouldn't be said. BUT when i told them that i like to take 2-3 days, they thought i was crazy because 2-3 days is 1-2 days too long. a lot of couples would agree to the old guard of not going to bed angry.

when the 2-3 days worked out, she or i would end up at eachother's door steps in tears or with a look of torment on our faces from a weekend without sleep. i'd let her in without a word. we'd go to the couch (tv off) and we would just sit there holding eachother in silence for a few minutes before apologies and discussion ensued.

she'd cry and i'd fold.

these were some of the most amazing times we'd share.

best friends day - RVA

ok, rva isn't all that bad, i mean else can you find shit like this....

a mark fenske class... courtesy of husayn raza.

I can write the saddest poem of all tonight.

Write, for instance: "The night is full of stars,
and the stars, blue, shiver in the distance."


The night wind whirls in the sky and sings.

I can write the saddest poem of all tonight.
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.

On nights like this, I held her in my arms.
I kissed her so many times under the infinite sky.


She loved me, sometimes I loved her.
How could I not have loved her large, still eyes?

I can write the saddest poem of all tonight.
To think I don't have her. To feel that I've lost her.

To hear the immense night, more immense without her.

And the poem falls to the soul as dew to grass.

What does it matter that my love couldn't keep her.
The night is full of stars and she is not with me.

That's all. Far away, someone sings. Far away.

My soul is lost without her.

As if to bring her near, my eyes search for her.
My heart searches for her and she is not with me.

The same night that whitens the same trees.
We, we who were, we are the same no longer.


I no longer love her, true, but how much I loved her.
My voice searched the wind to touch her ear.

Someone else's. She will be someone else's. As she once
belonged to my kisses.
Her voice, her light body. Her infinite eyes.


I no longer love her, true, but perhaps I love her.
Love is so short and oblivion so long.

Because on nights like this I held her in my arms,
my soul is lost without her.

Although this may be the last pain she causes me,

and this may be the last poem I write for her.

hipster.

http://www.adbusters.org/magazine/79/hipster.html

thoughts to follow.

2 days in paris.

as i've mentioned in past blogs, i'm not afraid to admit that i am a tv junkie. and one thing i miss about having more personal space is having my own tv. my own sanctuary to pop in a good dvd and think about other things.

so i saw this great romantic comedy recently called "2 days in paris." the movie stars adam goldberg and julie delpy. written, directed, produced and composed by julie delpy (which is fuckin amazing).

it felt real. it stirred feelings that i felt before in ways that most romantic comedies only aspire to do. i mean, i cant say that it is a 5 out of 5 star movie but in my book definitely 4 minimum. the dialogue felt authentic and the cinematography captured the turbulence of a relationship in ways that most fall short.

anyhow, i dont want to ruin it more than i already have, but just know that the ending really struck a chord for me and might for you as well.